Counting the Steps

Enough with the counting of the days because frankly, I can't keep track like that! I would rather just post when I get a chance or have something to talk about.

As I was running last night I was thinking to myself, as I often do, about where I am and where I came from. The reason I was thinking about this particular subject is the guy I seen walking the track in Gentry. He was a bigger man, no older than 30 I would say, with an OU hat on. He wasn't doing a fast walking pace by any means. But he walked about as many laps as I ran, and there is no telling how long he was there prior to me showing up. Each time I passed him I would give him the friendly "What's up?" nod. I don't know this guy nor does he know me. I just remember being in that position that he is in. Seeing other guys running like it was nothing to them and me walking and struggling because it was something to me. I remember every step I took walking meant something because I was changing who I was. I was becoming something better. I was fixing to do something that I never thought that I could or have the motivation to do. I counted each step and pushed for that next one.

Now as this guy got into his truck and left I gave him one final nod and in my head I said to myself "I hope he keeps it up." I wondered if anybody seen me and thought the same thing to themselves. Most of the time I wondered what people thought of me as I lugged my 323 pound frame around the track. I often wondered if they said to themselves "He will give up. He can't make it. Why is he out here?"

All those thoughts, even though people more than likely never gave me a second thought and went on their way, gave me motivation. I know I shouldn't have thought like that because I try to give people the benefit of the doubt but back then I knew what I looked like, I knew I poured out sweat and looked like I could easily pass out at any time. I didn't have any kind of confidence to be out there with runners and people who looked like they didn't need hardly any help to get into shape.

Now I'm not trying to be self righteous or anything or even want anybody to feel any kind of pity for me, I'm just wondering if that is what people thought and I'm trying to say that people who are starting out often think like this. I have read many a blog about people losing weight and the lack of confidence they feel when they see other people who don't struggle to walk or run. I know how that feels. I know what it's like to want to work out at dusk when hardly no one can see you. I always said it was because it was cooler then, but in all reality I knew no one would be on the track to see me struggle. I never really minded running in the heat of the day but I did mind when people were around. I guess you could almost call it jealousy. I was jealous because they could do something I could not. Run.

Running has changed my life is so many ways and I know now that it is something that I had to work hard for. Running doesn't come naturally to most people. Some, like me, have to work up to it. But, like some people, now I am addicted to it. I non-stop think about running. How many miles today? Do I have enough time to get in a run? I am so addicted to the challenge of running that I would rather do that than any other work out. I'm one dimensional but running means that much to me. When you weigh what I weighed, something like being able to run means the world to you and even thinking about other workouts makes me feel like I'm cheating on something I love.

I am a runner. My life is measured by miles. Those miles means more and more each time I complete one. I'm never overly concerned about time but more concerned about the effort and distance. You may pass me going faster than me, but at the end of the day, I still feel accomplished because I had to earn this gift of running.

I now see people who are starting out and I, for one, don't think negative thoughts about them. I try to encourage them if they let me. A friendly high five or thumbs up as I go by. I know that doesn't sound like much but to someone who starting out on this journey of health, it means the world. I've been there. To the guy I seen last night, I may never see you again, you may only have came out to work off some frustration, you may be taking the first steps to health, but thank you for humbling me. I need to stop, often, and think about where I came from. I had to work hard for what I have now. I may be able to run but getting to that point was many miles walking and struggling.

In closing, I am still working hard to achieve goals. I may have setbacks but I don't quit. I could easily, EASILY, give in and go back to how I was but I don't, I can't. I have too much to live for now. I'm in for the long haul.

Day 11

Well I was pleasantly suprised this morning on the scale. I weighed 202! That's pretty awesome if I may say so. The grind continues for me on that downward slide to 180. I am running today either outside or at the gym, I haven't really decided yet. But there will be running, oh yes, there will be running.

I feel pretty good about losing this weight. I think I have figured out a major part of it. I cannot snack late at night. I would do that all the time and it would kill my numbers. Now I don't eat anything after dinner and it helps so much now. It also helps when I eat breakfast and lunch to help me not be as hungry for dinner.

This weekend is getting closer and closer and I have to tell you, I'm a little nervous about it. We are going out of town and I tend to do bad when we go out of town. Like I just throw everything out the door. I am going to have to work hard not to do that this time. I need to practice moderation. This weekend's small challenge to myself is to be on Monday what I weigh on Saturday. Just maintain is my goal.

Well that is all for today. Pretty stoked about 202. I have 22 days until our big vacation. I have a good feeling that I am going to be well under 200 by then. Well under. Gotta keep working hard, eating good, and enjoy life.

Day 9 and 10

So finally got a chance to run outside and I loved it! I was doing my pace that I am comfortable with which instead of the blistering 9 minute miles, I settled with 10:30 miles and the change was drastic. I could finally get into the groove of running distance again. I did 3.18 miles but only because the sun was setting on me. I ran a path that I know but took a different route back to the starting point. It was a good run. Instead of focusing on breathing so much I could focus on form. I turned the "Average Pace" and "Average Time" settings off on my phone for the Endomondo running app and left "Distance Traveled" and "Duration" on. This means I only hear how many miles and the time it took to get there instead of hearing that I need to speed up to beat my last time.

I'm starting today off a little different. I got to work early and was pretty hungry so I had actual breakfast with eggs, a little potatoes and some sausage. Not to worried about it though because today is basketball day and I should easily work off what I intake today. Might even have time to go on a short run after basketball. We shall see. I'm so happy that I'm excited to run again. I have been nervous about it because running on a treadmill is nothing like running outside. NOTHING. The little rise and falls in the terrain cannot be duplicated on a treadmill. The actual feel of going foward instead of being stationary is much better. Settling down in my stride and listening to my music while running outside is like a small getaway from everything. The longer I run, the better of a getaway it is and I have plenty of music to run to.

So here we are, on day 10. I weighed 204 this morning. Let's see if I can get that down by tomorrow to at least 203. We shall see...

Weekend Review and Day 8

So this weekend was Father's Day weekend and it was a good one. Went swimming which my daughter loves to do. She is a fish and very brave!

As far as weight goes I did weigh 206 this morning but let me tell you why I'm not bother by this. First off, normally after weekends I look down at my weight and think to myself "good God, I have to start all over again." This time I didn't gain a lot of weight and it will be easy to get back to 203 and continue the downward slide. I'm not struggling to lose 10 pounds this time.

This week starts running. I think I have a pretty good grasp on the eating side again. Now I need to introduce the running aspect back in it. That, coupled with basketball on Wednesdays, will help my challenge that I have laid before me.

This weekend is our anniversary weekend and we will be going to Silver Dollar City to ride some rollercoasters together! How strange our we? Celebrating 6 years by going down 160 foot drops? I can't think of a better way to spend it! It's going to be a blast. Plus we get to have some time alone which is always good. Should be a fun weekend ahead.

But back to the challenge. I will start running again and salads for lunch. Day 8 and week 2, here we go!

Day 4 and 5

Well I completely forgot to write yesterday, so this is a combined post. Not a whole lot went on yesterday. My wife wanted to work out together which is great because I usually work out alone but when someone wants to go it seems to make it funner. We went to the Softball fields in Siloam Springs. Instead of running, I walked with her. She did jog on the second lap. We did almost 3 miles. It was a good little workout.

I weighed 204.5 yesterday morning which was totally fine with me. I'm still on that slow downward slope which is perfect. I did eat a little more than usual yesterday. I had pizza and some fries for lunch. Seems I do that on Thursdays because they have semi-good food in the EDR on those days. Either way, I woke up today and weighed 203.5. I guess that little bit of exercise helped out.

I have decided that since I want to get back to distance running that I want to get back to 11 minute miles. That is a great pace for me. I seem to go a lot farther at that pace and it's still a good pace to keep my heart rate up. I was reading about running the other day and one of the things I read was to always do what works and running that pace has worked for me in so many ways. I am not a speed guy. As good as it feels to crack a 9 minute mile, I can't keep that pace in a distance run. It is good to know that I have a 9 minute mile in my back pocket if I need it but I would rather say I did 6 miles in about 1 hour. Just sounds like more of an accomplishment to me.

This weekend is the first in a long line of weekends coming up in my life. The hardest part is not snacking around on the weekends. I am going to work hard to not snack. I will be happy with maintaining weight on the weekends and even happier if I lose a pound. We shall see how this weekend goes.

Day 5, here we go!

Day 3

So here we are at 30 days out from our summer vacation and I'm at 205. I'm feeling pretty good about this challenge. I like having a time table to do this challenge. It's like pressure to complete a task. It gives me motivation. I know if I fail, which I won't,  it will be all on me.

Today we play basketball and I gotta admit, I'm a little nervous because I haven't played in a while. It still will be fun and will be good exercise either way.

Bring on day 3. I'm down 4 pounds this week so far but I know that this will be a grind because at some point I will hit a wall.  It happens each time and I get disheartened. Not this time. When that wall shows up I will work harder to break through it. Let's go!

Day 2

This morning I weighed 206. I'm well on my way to my goals again. This time is different. I know that I have put on this blog and other blogs that I've started that I'm committed to getting back down to 180 but the difference is the mindset I am in now. I'm done with the yo-yo weight gain/loss. It's getting a little old. Up a few pounds, down a few pounds. It gets old quick.

I'm getting more and more excited about our little road trip in July. First off because I have never seen mountains and secondly because we get to celebrate my daughter's 3rd birthday on the beach! That's all she wants to do nowadays. She is constanstly saying "Daddy, I want to go to the beach and the ocean." I would move close to a beach in an instant if I could just so she could go everyday. But she will have good stories of the trips we made to the beach on vacations.

I plan on running today but I need to finish my yard work first. The yard work shouldn't take very long so maybe afterwards I can get a run in. Tomorrow is basketball day. I miss basketball. Even though I'm not good, I still like the game.

Well that's all for now. Time to tackle Day 2. Let's do this!

Returning to the Road (Day 1)

I thought, a while back, that I had finished the Road to 180. I thought that maybe I could move on into something more. But the going forward in my life and being healthy has brought me back. I can't get the fact out of my head that I hit 180 before. The challenge now is, can I do it again and stay there? When I was on this road before, I could honestly say that I was in the best shape of my life. I could go out and run 5 miles like nothing. I was 5k ready all the time. Now, not so much. Now I have to train myself to get ready for a 5k. I don't have the drive as I once did. The love of running is still there, but sadly the will and determination has gone. I say "NO MORE!" There are still so many things that I can accomplish. So many 5k's to be ran. I need to get back to that point in my life where I can be ready to run tomorrow if I needed too. I don't want to have to train for something I could just do anytime I wanted. I'm back on this road for good and when I get there, yes I said when, I will fight to stay there. When I do go out and run it is the best feeling in the world. I am brought back to the time when I couldn't run. When all I did was sit around and eat. No exercise. No worries. But everything is different now. I have set myself to a higher standard and each time that I fall from that standard I hate it. And it seems I do that quite a lot here lately. I have become complacent in my endeavors. I can't get this one thought out of my head: "I've done it before, I can do it again." Well the question I am asking myself now is "Can you really?" When I fall off my diets and quit running, that little thought pops up. So I gained a few pounds, I can lose it easily. I stopped running, I can start again, at anytime. But I don't. I just let it go.

Not anymore.

I can feel the effects in my running of the free fall from my diet plans. The same diet plans that got me to 180 in the first place. The diet plans that helped me so much. It's time to get that thought out of my head of "I can do it again if I wanted" and actually do it. Prove it is what I'm saying to myself now. Don't think it. DO IT.

I need to get back to distance running and eating the way I should be. Now, I'm not saying that there might be days where I reward myself but I will now take those days in stride and work hard the next day to erase them. It will be a struggle, I can honestly say it will probably be harder than the first time I did it because of complacency. I need to get my mind set back to my goals in life. My goals of being there for my family, my goals of running a marathon possibly, my goals of completing a long overdue hike.

First things first. Get back to where I want to be. Now here is my challenge to myself: We go on vacation in 32 days. In that 32 days, I want to run and lose weight. As much as possible in those 32 days. I'm not saying that I will get close to 180, but for sure under 200. My start weight as of today is 209. This is day 1. Let's get to work!