I thought that this blog was done. I thought that maybe I had done what I wanted on this Road to 180. But reaching that goal and staying with that goal, I have found out, are two completely different things. Yeah I hit 180 but who cares? It doesn't matter if I don't commit myself to staying at that point. I didn't really try when I hit 180. I hit it and thought "Now What?" Now that I know that I could do it I thought that it would be fine to not worry about it any more and that was the thought that wrecked my accomplishment. 180 came and went. I gradually started going the opposite way. I still ran but running doesn't do anything if I don't do the other half of it. I started eating what I wanted again whenever I was just fine eating what I should. Anybody who has lost weight will tell you that it is hard to maintain a weight, but in all reality, I can't say that because I didn't give myself a chance. I seen 180 and I left it. I didn't work to see what I could do to stay around that weight. I told myself that I wanted to say between 180 and 183 at all times. That did not happen at all. Then I told myself that 190 was a good weight to keep. Again, I haven't seen 190 in a while.
Now, at 203, I have seen what I have worked so hard for start to disappear. I'm getting back into my old mindset of eating junk and not worrying about what it will effect. I think it's because when I hit 180 I had the thought of "Now What" instead of the thought of "Keep Going." Not keep going in the sense of keep losing weight but keep going in the sense of don't stop running, eating right, and trying to be as healthy as possible for my family. 180 is my goal, it has been for a while and it still is. I'm taking my 180 that I already hit and throwing it away. I am telling myself that I haven't been there yet. Because I haven't. I was only 180 for what seemed like a moment. I want to be 180 for a long, long time to come.
There are always obstacles in the road, it doesn't matter what goal you are trying to reach. Obstacles that want to veer you from you path, obstacles that want to knock you down, obstacles that make you want to quit just short of what you want. My obstacles are more mental than anything. I know I can run distance, I may not be fast but I can run for a while so the physical side isn't really my issue. My issue is I need to get back into my healthy mindset. My mindset of watching what I eat and only putting fuel in my body not junk. And when I hit 180, not IF but WHEN, I will have to alter my mindset just enough to maintain that weight. Instead of the goal of I want to hit 180 pounds, my new goal is I want to live a life at 180 pounds. That seems a bit more substantial than just getting to a number. Now it's keeping my weight at that number. I think that's what was missing. I had my goal skewed. I didn't think it out properly.
I can't help but thinking of the quote by Michaelangelo: The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark. That's what I think of when I think of my goal before. It wasn't too high. I was never concerned I wouldn't hit it. I should have been more concerned about hitting it and not knowing what to do next. Well I know now. Here's to a healthy life, to not hitting just a number but living that number. A number that was pretty far out of reach when I started this challenge almost 2 years ago. A number that I will give myself a chance to stay at now. I think 180 would be a good weight to run a marathon at next year. I will get into that later.
So it's time to do this. 203 is my starting weight. Time to get back to hard work.
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